I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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