Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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