i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Couch. On fire.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
