Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
