if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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