I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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