Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
