How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
