so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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