Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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