he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
