Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
