she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
