When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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