sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
