Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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