You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
