At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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