I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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