There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
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Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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