does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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