Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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