Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
