bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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