babies were throwing up all over the place
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
