He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
