i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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