What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
