So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
