my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
