a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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