As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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