He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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