As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
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I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
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and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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