I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
