You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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