eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
