you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
