he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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