Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize