I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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