I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
