I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I AM VODKA MAN
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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