I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im holly from the hills drunk
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
