my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
