I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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