last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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