thus making me awesome and them whores
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
