His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
