guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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