Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
