Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
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Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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