So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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