I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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