My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
