If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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