you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
