Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
