I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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