People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
