in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
