it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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