apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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