and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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