I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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