she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
