Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
