just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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