i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
