dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
