im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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