The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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